


The Ghost Of All Hallows Eve

by peytra



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Ghosts, Halloween, Haunted Houses, Spooky, spoopy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 10:05:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12579296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peytra/pseuds/peytra
Summary: It was a dark and stormy night in Faerun, and the Tres Horny Bois had no idea how their night was going to go.





	The Ghost Of All Hallows Eve

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sailorblaze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorblaze/gifts).



> the soundtrack for this fic is just Monster Mash and Werewolf Bar Mitzvah on a loop

It was a dark and stormy night in Faerun. Well, technically, it was 4:50 pm and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, but you get the gist. The three adventurers, commonly known as the ‘Tres Horny Bois’, were enjoying a pint or five at the local inn. They had taken a few vacation days from the Bureau of Balance, and were spending their time in Neverwinter. Eventually, the three grew bored of drinking, and decided to see what else the night held for them. 

As they ambled outside, they noticed many small children running around in costumes, with bags ranging from empty to stuffed. Magnus stopped a passerby and asked,

“Hey, uh, what’s going on?” He was gesturing towards the children, in order to make his intent clear. 

“Oh, it’s All Hallows Eve. Y’know, when the children dress up, go door to door, get candy?” They said, sounding strangely similar to Tom Bodett.

“I’m familiar with the concept, but All Hallows Eve isn’t for another week.” Taako said.

They blinked at Taako. “Sorry, who are you?”

“I’m Taako, from TV.” 

“Right, well, here in Neverwinter, we celebrate properly. None of this week later nonsense that everybody else does.” Magnus and Merle just looked at them quizzically, while Taako wandered off. They sighed deeply, and said, “The veil between planes is especially thin tonight. Nobody celebrates on this night anymore because they’re wimps. Big babies. Neverwinter’s the only city tough enough to risk a ghost.” 

“Cool, cool. I’m just gonna…” Magnus trailed off, then simply walked away. Merle thanked the person quickly, before following. They caught up with Taako, who was shifting around impatiently. 

“Let’s go-” Taako started

“Excuse me, sir, have you seen my bag of candy? I left it right on that stoop over there, but it’s not there anymore.” A little boy, who could be no older than ten, and who sounded nothing like Angus McDonald, was looking up at Taako hopefully.

“No, kid, I haven’t seen your candy. Anyway, as I was saying-” 

“Now, hold on,” Magnus said, “if this child here’s lost his stuff, we should help him find it.”

“Mango, that really isn’t-”

“I agree with Magnus. What kind of heroes are we if we can’t even help one kid find his candy?” Merle piped up. 

“Oh, I didn’t realize it was ‘Interrupt Taako Day’ as well as All Hallows Eve. Anyone else wanna chime in?” 

“Taako, come on. Don’t be a dick.” 

“Fiiiiiiiiiiiiine.”

They asked multiple bystanders, and even used a locator spell, but the candy wouldn’t appear. It was also around then when odd things started happening. Taako’s hat was constantly getting knocked off his head, and he was tripping on invisible roots what seemed like every other step. He was getting more and more frustrated, though his companions didn’t seem to notice, as they were gazing at a house that was old and dilapidated, and had multiple creepy statues in the yard and on the roof.

“We’ve checked with everyone on this street. This is the only house left.” Magnus stated.

“B-but, that place is ha-haunted! You can’t go in there!” The child said.

“We’ll be fine. Come on, guys!” Magnus rushed in. Merle followed after, somewhat cautiously. Taako, however, refused to budge from the porch.

“No thanks. Taako’s good out here.” He glanced around the yard, completely alone. It was strange; just a few moments ago, it had been light out, and there were plenty of people on the street. It was suddenly as dark as he had ever seen it, and he could spot no-one on the sidewalks, could hear none of the playful shouts of small children. He looked back toward the yard, and suddenly he couldn’t remember if that statue had been facing him before, or if it had been that close. He heard the porch creaking, as if someone was stepping on it, and felt a harsh breeze. Slowly, he backed up into the house. Whatever was going on there wasn’t worth it. 

He nearly ran into Merle and Magnus on his way in, as they hadn’t made it much farther than the door. Merle glanced at him.

“You okay, buddy? You seem tense.” He had his ‘concerned Cleric voice’ on.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s fine. Anywho, did you two find anything?” 

“Well , it doesn’t seem anyone is here.” 

“Oh well, that’s too bad. Guess we’ll have to tell the kid we can’t find his shit, which means we have to leave right now immediately.” As Taako said that, the door closed behind him. Magnus approached it, but when he tried the knob, it wouldn’t turn at all. He then tried to break down the door, but it was heavy and strong. 

“We can try the windows,” Merle suggested.

“That- That was the first useful thing you’ve said all night.” Taako attempted to break the windows, but anything he threw at them seemed to rebound, up to and including spells. “Well, nuts.” He said.

“It’s not that bad.” Magnus shrugged. “I mean, worst comes to worst, it’s an evil spellcaster, and we’ve dealt with those.”

“Or we could get possessed and murdered by an vengeful ghost.” Merle pointed out.

“Oh, good, I was hoping murder and possession were on the docket tonight.” Taako said sarcastically.

Something thudded above them, and they all jumped. Magnus slowly took out Railsplitter, motioning to the others to follow him up the stairs. As they climbed, they heard several other crashes, as well as something that sounded almost like a voice.They creeped silently along the landing, to the room where noises were coming from. Magnus bashed down the door, Railsplitter raised, when he realised the room was completely empty. There were no windows, nor any furniture. He lowered his weapon dumbly.

“Well, definitely a ghost then.” He said. 

As the other two entered the room, the door was suddenly fixed, and put back in it’s proper place. Magnus attempted to chop it down, but was completely unable to. Merle was able to detect that a powerful protection and locking spell had been placed on the door, preventing their exit.

“Oh, goody, now we’re trapped in a tiny, shitty room. How long until a muppet-looking motherfucker shows up and asks us if we’d like to play a game?” Taako paced around the room furiously.

“Clearly whatever is doing this wants something. Maybe we should ask it?” Merle said.

“Let’s just ask it, yes, when we can’t see whatever  _ it _ is. Great idea, Merle, top of the line suggestion. Truly, pure genius.” 

Merle shook his head. “I was going to say that we could summon it, somehow?”

“Yeah! Can’t we use some crystals, or, like, a weegy board.”

“Ouija board.”

“Yeah, that.”

Suddenly, they heard what sounded like nails scraping a chalkboard, as well as a voice. 

“Taako,” it said.

“It’s targeted me, because of course it has. Fan-fucking-tastic.” 

“Taaaaaaaaako,” it said, again, though spookier. 

“What? What do you want from me?”

“You know what you did, Taako.”

“Last summer?” Merle joked.

“Aw! I was gonna say that.” Magnus pouted.

“Seriooooooously though.” It said.

“Sorry, we’re totally incapable of being serious.” Magnus said.

“Is this about the candy?” Taako asked.

“Yeeeeeeees.” 

“Holy shit. It’s just some dumb kid’s candy. Who cares?” 

“It was a dick moooooooove, Taako.”

“But he had Fantasy Bit O’ Honey! Besides, if he wanted to keep it he should’ve kept a better eye on it.” 

“Diiiick moooooooove.”

“Wait,” Magnus said, holding up his hands, “Wait just a second. Are you saying  _ you _ stole that kid’s candy?”

“He totally diiiiiiiiiiid” The voice said. 

“Should I cast Zone of Truth?” Merle asked.

“Nah, it’s right, I deffo stole that candy.” 

“Well, let’s just give it back.” Magnus said.

“But-”

“If we don’t then we probably won’t get out of here. Would you rather hang out here forever, or just return the goddamn candy.” 

“.... Fine.” He cast a spell and reached into the extra-dimension, and brought out a huge bag, stuffed to the brim. Magnus whistled.

“That’s a lot of candy.” He said.

“I know! The kid doesn’t need all of this.” Taako said.

“Taaaaaaaaako” The voice said.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, I’ll give it back.”

The door opened, and they were allowed the leave the room. They walked back down the stair, to the oak door, which was also opened. The little boy was still waiting outside, and he brightened considerably when he caught sight of the bag. 

“Gee, thanks!” He said, as it was returned to him. “I’ll never forget this.” He rushed off to go find his parents.

“There, it’s done. Can we go now?” Taako asked.

“Yeah, alright.” 

The three adventurers returned to the inn, where they promptly passed out from exhaustion.  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> wake me up (WAKE ME UP INSIDE)


End file.
